Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest, and my second favourite, day of the year. For months now I have been watching the days get shorter and along with it, the weather get grayer. Three days ago we had a full day of cloudless sunshine, the first since November 8th, if you can believe that. Otherwise it has been showers, rain, partially cloudy or partially sunny. I still scratch my head over the latter two descriptions – not entirely sure what the difference is.

Living here in this more temperate place, and not having months of snow to look forward to (or not) as I did living in Ontario, it is easier to see this day as a turning point, rather than as the first official day of winter, the beginning of a horror show. In a few weeks the lengthening of days will be noticeable.

Still, this attitude could be seen as a stretch. Look what surprise awaited me this morning. First snow. By mid-day it has turned to rain and started to melt.

What to say about this year? This annus horribilis. Truth is this has been the second year of Awful. This has been a time of my good friend’s cancer diagnosis and death, other friends developing and living with serious illnesses and undergoing other losses and hardships, illness and death in the families of some of our other neighbours and huge family turmoil. Add in the virus and other madness and insanity in the world around us, and the biggest question for me becomes “How do I live in the midst of all of this, how do I find my path forward?”

And it is in living the question that the answers appear and the path forward reveals itself as a conscious choice. For it has also been a time of transformation, connection, magic and finding the way to peace. Allowing the heart to break can serve to let the light in.

Earlier this month I was standing on a stool decorating the windows with green boughs and strings of lights, when suddenly I realized (or accepted) that this holiday season would not be happening. Public health orders are prohibiting gatherings in the home with anyone other than residents and no travel between regions. No gatherings of friends and neighbours this year, no Christmas with Steve and Rosie the Dog and the new addition to his family, Sox the kitten. “What am I doing this for?” I asked, out loud as it turned out. “Well Dennis and I are still here” replied Howard, quite rightly. I carried on, although with lowered energy levels; the task took more days to complete than usual, but I’m so glad I did it as the beauty of those colours and lights bring such joy.

Also it helped to let go of my own feelings of loss of the usual kind of holiday season I’ve taken for granted. I’m not the only one, that’s for sure. It also served to broaden my sense of connection and compassion with all those other people, millions of them, whose lives this year have been changed and who are all struggling, each in their own way, with an altered reality and their responses to it. Living through heartbreak, grief and pain also opens my heart to all other beings who are suffering as well – the human condition. May this serve awakening.

I am learning the true power of gratitude, as every day, no matter what is going on, I am thankful for what I have, for where I live and for the life I lead. Connecting with the natural world sustains me and I walk with deliberate intention to notice, to be mindful and aware of what is going on. I watch the birds interacting with each other and the sea lions swimming by the beach, the huge trees in the forest swaying, dancing in the wind, beautiful cloud formations passing by and it is all beautiful beyond words. Earlier this year, for the first time, I found the baby owls, the fledgling toddlers recently out of the nest and learning to fly and do what owls do. I hung out with them for quite awhile one evening watching them and laughed out loud as I saw one of them, trying to keep up with its sibling, fly from one branch to another, miss its landing and sink to the ground. Oops. Still a few bugs in the system. Picked itself up and tried again, as toddlers do. How lucky am I to have been in the right place and the right time, to witness that!

The smallest things bring a moment of joy. Earlier this week I saw the little iris reticulata bulbs starting to sprout along the front driveway – they will be up by the end of January barring any deep freezes that will slow them down, but won’t stop them. A matter of weeks away.

So what do you call this attitude on this, the first day of winter? I think I’ll call it “Hope springs eternal”.

Happy Solstice.

Nerd Notes: This Solstice is also a special day as Saturn and Jupiter will appear to be very close together in the night sky, so close they could appear to the naked eye as one very bright star. What makes this so rare? According to NASA “It’s been nearly 400 years since the planets passed this close to each other in the sky, and nearly 800 years since the alignment of Saturn and Jupiter occurred at night, as it will for 2020, allowing nearly everyone around the world to witness this “great conjunction.”