Odds & Ends | Life on the Left Coast

Several years ago I was out for a walk with a new friend. As we chatted, I noticed that she was referring to herself several times as “old”. Now she was older than me but I was already in my mid 60’s and was not thinking of myself as old and certainly not talking about myself that way, so I was curious. I asked her, “When did you start to think of yourself as being old?”

Not surprisingly, she didn’t really have an answer. It is, after all, a bit of an odd, curve ball kind of question. But I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently as I approach this epic milestone birthday. (They are now ALL epic milestones).

So, when is it that I will feel old?

Well. that would be now.

Now I’m not talking about the physical stuff, the losses and challenges of those around me or close to me, nor of the changes to the body suit. Who needs to think about that on a birthday. But I am definitely old now, no getting around that. And the reason I know that I’m old is because the way I look at life is radically different from when I was younger.

When I was young my life seemed infinite. It had no end. Or at least none that I could see and certainly death was nothing I thought about. Now that I’m old I can see the end in sight and I think about death a lot, but I don’t think about it in negative ways. In fact, if anything it brings calm and perspective and allows for more appreciation and gratitude for all that is good in this life, in the present, as the present is really all that I have. Past is past leaving its trail of sporadic memories and the future is – well – nowhere I want to be in any hurry to get to. Let’s not rush this after all.